A short introduction…

I’ve tried time and time again to find a way to keep track of my thoughts and the daily on-goings of my life. 

I have had heartache and letdowns. I have had my breath taken away and the rug pulled from beneath my feet. I am blunt and speak my mind, but I’m not rude about it. I don’t see the point in skirting around the subject when talking about things. I live on iced coffee, I would live on sushi if my budget permitted, and I’m halfway between organized and a hot mess. I’m 22 and just finished my first year of grad school. I love to paint, to sew, to do crosswords, and to laugh with my friends. I am optimistic at times and cynical at others. And I’m terrible at these little “book back-cover summaries” of myself.

I have found the love of my life, and suddenly music is louder, colors are brighter, and my whole world finally feels like I’ve found my other half. He joined the Army and left the weekend before all of my exams started. As if exam week isn’t exhausting enough, I have been an emotional train wreck for the past 2 weeks. Right now he’s in basic, but he has advanced training after that all the way across the country that will last until late this year. It has been the most emotionally exhausting experience I have ever been through. We already were doing long distance (a 6 hour drive) before he left, but at least I got to see him. At least I got to talk or Skype with him every night. And now I haven’t heard from him in days and probably won’t be able to hear from him for a few weeks still. I’ve been writing letters, but I don’t have an address to send them to yet. It’s so hard, not knowing the next time I’ll be able to see him. Even once he’s done with training, our visits will be far and few between. I’m obligated to this town for at least 3 more years while I finish up my program, and there aren’t any bases close by for him to be stationed. I know we’ll make it, but this is new territory and I’m having a really hard time trying to find my footing.

School and work usually keep me incredibly busy, and I hate that I am running through this world without the time to appreciate the little things. It’s summer now, and I finally have the time to do the things that I want to do. (It also means I miss the bf even more, because now I would actually have all the time in the world to spend with him.) After finishing my last exam, I went out with a few friends to celebrate with mimosas at this local organic restaurant. After a few mimosas (and feeling no guilt despite it only being 10:30 in the morning) I headed straight to the local library and (finally) got myself a library card there. I perused the shelves, looking through books and CDs and classic movies. I had no time schedule and no agenda and it was marvelous. I got a few movies and some books I have been wanting to read for a while (some Palahnuik, and “Prep”, which was recommended to me by my sister). On my way home, I put the windows down, feeling the wind in my hair, and turned on my Jamie Cullum CD. And I just belted out the music. It was the best feeling in the world, especially considering that I have felt like my home for the past few months has been a tiny study room in the library. My exam week was brutal, and I was so exhausted. I averaged at most 3 hours a night for the week and a half straight of exams! but I was far too excited to go home and sleep.

Luckily I’m working all summer, but I still am left with a lot of free time that I’m not used to having. Hopefully summer adventures will ensue and I’ll have lots to share 🙂


~ by futurepharmd on May 2, 2010.

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